It was cold this morning.

58 degrees with a slight breeze and I am sure that some of you are saying to yourselves, “Perfect running weather” but in the Hudson Valley 58 degrees and slightly breezy means “Perfect weather for a runny nose”.

I have discovered that the time window between 7:00 and 9:00 am is the optimal time for me to run. When I work I try to get out by 7 so that I can be back in time to shower and change and leave to teach class but I usually don’t get to leave until 7:30 because I wait until I’m just about to leave to choose my running music. Why I don’t do this the night before I’ll never know.

Today I chose Podrunner’s Restless at 139 bpm which is faster than I normally run but I liked the tempo and the tribal beat  though 30 seconds into the mix I nearly poo’d myself over a strange vocal that made me think someone was calling out to me over a hidden PA system.  I nearly took a Brody off the trail and had a good laugh over that one once I realized that the voice really was inside my head.

I think I MAY have found the key to having a “good run” (the jury is still out as to whether or not there is such a thing as a good run) I just make pretended that I was a RUNNER. Now let’s be honest, I am NOT a runner. I RUN sure but that doesn’t make me a runner. I write sentences but that doesn’t make me a writer and I can cook but that doesn’t make me a chef get what I’m saying here? Long torso, short legged me is NOT a runner but today I make pretended I was.

How? You may ask. Well first I pictured myself in that Nike add where the woman is running and there’s a sunset or sunrise in the background of course she is wearing color coordinating flattering running attire where I was wearing what was clean. Or what was reasonably clean. Next every runner that passed I gave them the “super-secret runner’s greeting”. What’s that? You don’t know the “super-secret runner’s greeting”? Hmmm, I don’t know if I should tell you as it’s super-secret but here it goes.

Step 1- asses fellow running person as they approach to determine whether or not they are worthy of the Super-Secret greeting or  just the grimace “we” runners give to those  non-runners.

Step 2-Once it is determined that approaching person is worthy you may look them in the eye because one never looks non- runners in the eye

Step 3-Slight upper chin nod as you pass

Optional Step 4-raise left hand and forefinger ever so slightly as greeting but not high enough to break your form

I did 3 miles in 30.5 pretending I was a runner and using the “Super-Secret Runner’s Greeting” today so it MUST WORK.

Roy only showed up briefly, about 30 seconds in, wearing his tattered terry cloth bathrobe and a baseball cap on backwards. He scratched his balls, farted and went back to sleep.

I’m pretty sure Roy sneaked out early this morning to the local Cracker Barrel for one of those breakfasts that consists of 4 eggs, a stack of pancakes and some biscuits and gravy because all he wanted to do this morning was roll over and fall back asleep.

(Oh, you don't know who Roy is? Well Read This and come back. I'll wait.

Pretty funny, right? Yeah, I know)

So ANYWAY Roy wanted to stay in bed BUT I wasn't having any of it so up I got and ran my boot-ay off.  Needless to say I believe Roy threw up somewhere along the first mile. No worries though, I plodded on with what felt like a solid lump of bacon fat lodged beneath my kidneys.

So far I’ve run in the wee hours of the morning which can be very lonely but I do meet true runners along the way which either pisses me off or inspires me depending on how much coffee I’ve had that morning. I’ve also run in the early evening which isn’t as lonely but the trail is clogged with adolescent boys on bikes that are way too small for them spray painting misspelled graffiti on the macadam. If you knew how many times I had to correct the spelling of penis you may be shocked. I’ve discovered that I enjoy the “Mommy Hour” running time. That time just after the buses have picked up the children (or WILL pick up the children once school is back in session) and the mommies come out with their strollers and D&D Coffee cups to perambulate and gossip.  I’m not alone and I don’t get that creeped out feeling when I see a person of the male persuasion ahead of me who stops and gets off his bike and watches me pass. Yeah, that’s happened a few time and let me tell you Roy was no help. I believe he whimpered and told me to poke the guy with a stick!

4 miles today in a little over 46 minutes. Not too bad for a non-runner. It still sucks and I still hate it but I am proud of myself for sticking it out.

It's 4:00 on a beautiful late Summer's day and I am sitting here in my running clothes trying to find my shoes.
I'm pretty sure Roy has hidden them.
I've never run this late in the day before, it will be a new experience for sure.
If I can find my shoes.

Roy

So after two whole weeks off due to a “farpled” knee I began running today. And let’s just be straight, YES it still sucks. I did a decent 3 miles and didn’t feel like I put on my cement shoes until I was about a mile and a half in so not so bad for doing nothing for the past 2 weeks.

( OK let’s be honest I wasn’t doing nothing, I was still teaching my classes and I attended a KICK ASS dance teacher’s convention in those 2 weeks but it’s not running, ugh)

I’ve been reading through the Dexter novels by Jeff Lindsay (if you aren’t familiar these are the novels the Showtime series is based upon and DANG are they good!) and in these novels Dexter, the serial murderer with a code of ethics, speaks about his Dark Passenger. The Dark Passenger is sort of like a totally f*cked up Jiminy Cricket type entity that sparks Dexter on to his killings. I’m sure you’re asking yourself “Why the flying fudgeballs are you telling us this, Regina?!”

 Here is why; I am pretty convinced that RUNNERS have a RUNNING MAN inside them spurring them on to feats worthy of Hermes; A sleek Olympian who whispers words of victory in their ears whereas I, ROCK CHUCKER extraordinaire, have an overweight guy wearing ill-fitting cut off sweatpants and a stained “I’m with Stupid” t-shirt inside of me.   A loser who is bent over huffing and puffing his way through “Go ahead I’ll catch up!” whispering in my ear.  Roy, I am going to call him Roy. I constantly battle with Roy. Roy tells me to walk instead of run. Roy whispers, “wouldn’t it be better if you just stayed in bed an extra hour?” Roy taunts me, “Lard asses don’t run, throw a rock and let’s go home!” Roy is a lazy ass muthaf*cker and I can’t seem to get rid of him.  Roy seems to have to go to the bathroom a lot or is that me? Sometimes I can't tell where Roy ends and I begin.

I might be going insane or maybe it's just too much sucky running?

Just a quick note.

I've not stopped running, I had to take some time off due to an injury.

MONDAY I will return and I'm scared to death that I will have to start at square 1 again.

UGH!!!

Today I decided to give the electronic solid BPM music a rest and listen to something else.
Don't get me wrong I LIKE the bpm music and it has definitely helped me in my running journey but today I needed to hear something else.
The sad thing is I can not put my ipod on shuffle. I'm a Theater Geek/Bun Head so every other song would either be a show tune, music to plie to or a cello concerto not exaclty the BEST music for running.
SO I delved into my "world music" and chose Dancehall. I love Dancehall, I mean I REALLY love Dancehall but I don't recommend trying to do the Dutty Wine while running, neither would the older gentleman on the bike I nearly knocked over.

2 Things I like about running

Yes, I have actually found things to LIKE about running.

Number 1-SOLITUDE! Running is the only time during my day when I am completely and utterly alone. Sure I pass other people but I don't have to give a rat's scrotum about them if I don't want to. I can look right through, pass right by them. I don't but if I WANTED to I could.  I don't have to take care of anyone or listen to them or work with them or teach them or cook, clean, referee...I don't have to do ANY of that. My most important task is making sure I don't take a digger in the middle of the trail.

Number 2-GAS! I don't have to worry about it. Mine or anyone else's.

The rest pretty much sucks.