Crap

Crap.

No, really.

CRAP

I thought I'd run the 5k and then call it quits but then I find out about THIS.

You get to run through Disney World, WEARING A TIARA.

Track

Today was the first time EVER that I have run on a track.
Well there was that one time in HS during phys-ed but to call what I did "running" would be very generous.
As can be expected I thought it SUCKED.
Yes, it sucked worse than running on the bike path.
WAAAAAAY worse.
First there was the unrelenting SUN which beat down on me mercilessly for the entire run THEN the surface of the track, which is squishy, made my shins tire almost immediately.
However my shins did get used to the extra work and though they still were angry they allowed me to finish.
The good thing about the track is I was able to track my distance which was 2.5 miles and accelerating through the my intervals was easier. I'm guessing because it was flat. Dull and flat.
My friends and I has company, three dudes who decided to sit on the bleachers and watch us and my friend's sons' baseball camp who were on the turf and decided to ignore us!

I slathered on the sunscreen but still got burned. I should have worn a hat but the only hats I own are large straw sun hats approved by the Skin Cancer Foundation. If I would have run with one of them on I might have taken flight! I need to find a hat I can wear when I run and NOT a baseball cap which offer no real sun protection.
Any suggestions?

Running by the numbers

31:01Make the Sign of the Cross and Resign myself to yet another day of running
29:30 Realize my shoe is loose but refuse to stop to tie it tighter
26:24 Sports bra-tank thingie begins to ride up and chafe underarm area
20:01 Run in place to watch a HUGE pile of tiny ants dance around the blacktop
16:52 Floppy shorts begin to ride up and get bunched up between thick thighs
14:04 Give finger to leering assjacket in green pick-up
14:03 Turn around to run in opposite direction of assjacket
10:00 Pull shorts out of crotch for 13th time in 6 minutes
9:05 Begin to run in weird wide leg stride to avoid bunching
9:00 Swear to NEVER wear shorts again
7:00 Pass ants again and contemplate stepping on them
6:59 Decide not to step on them
4:20 Wonder would anyone notice if I just stop running right now
4:15 Decide that I WOULD notice and vow to continue
3:00 Can see house
2:30 Seriously consider not returning home
:59 Thank GOD I'm though for the day

I'm FREAKIN' TIRED

I've never been so tired.
I am tired all the time.
Tired like I could fall asleep right

Angel of Running

Standing at the bus stop this morning my left calf cramped up. STANDING at the bus stop. I wasn't walking, running, jumping, releve-ing NOTHING no movement at all but my calf decided to cramp up like a mutha!
I think I may have scared the neighbors with my screams of pain but they'll get over it and will be blasting I Walk the Line all day again. I spent a good part of the morning rolling on my Foam Roller. Do you have one of these? If you do any form of physical activity you NEED one!! It's THE thing for self-myofacsial release and self message...it just makes you feel good. . Go get one right now, I'll wait. See? I told you it was good!

Well, I am HAPPY to inform you that I have found my motivation, my inspiration for running! As I set off down the trail today, wearing my floppy basketball shorts, stretched out tank top and sports bra that fit me 10 lbs ago, I spied a VISION running toward me. An Angel, if you will. A tall, lean woman of indeterminate age with golden hair pulled back into a neat pony tail. She was wearing those tiny running shorts and matching sports bra. Her tanned well muscled thighs had a space between them. Yes! She was running and her thighs did not touch! She moved with the graze of a gazelle loping over the savannah, nary a drop of sweat on her smooth brow. I was AWESTRUCK and I thought to myself, "Yes! Yes! Oh God, YES! I want to run like that! I want to run as fast! I want to catch up to her, smack her in the back of the head with a 2x4 and sit on top of her corpse while eating a dozen Honey Dew Blueberry Cake Donuts!!"
OK maybe I won't hit her with a 2x4...maybe just a bag of poo.

Anyhow, thoughts of destroying the perfection of that running angel got me through my run today.
Whatever it takes, is my new motto.

Day- I can't remember I lost track

I had to take a few days off to deal with the raw sewage that was backing up into my tub.

Thank goodness for Mr. Snake! I was a little nervous that I had slid down the slippery slope to unconditioned but I had not. Which may or may not be a good thing depending on how I look at it.

Today, week 3 of First Day to 5k. I am in disbelief that I have been putting myself through this torture for 3 weeks now! When I looked at how long the podcast was I noticed that it was considerable shorter than week 2. I really thought it would have been longer and then  DJ Beatsmith informed me that "we'd" be running 2 beats per minute faster. I wanted to sit down and cry. "F--- You, Beatsmith! I don't want to run faster, or fast. Hell, I don't want to run at all!" but run I did. I have to say I really didn't notice that I was running any faster but I did notice walking faster during the intervals and how dorky I must look to anyone watching. Between walking like someone who needed to get the bathroom fast and the fact that I miscalculated how much weight I've lost so my phone kept slipping out of the safety of my sports bra and crashing to the ground I must have been very entertaining to on-lookers. The fact that the phone is still working is nothing short of a miracle. The fact that my body is still working is nothing short of a miracle.

I made it through my run with little to no tears but I also miscalculated my route so I wound up being about 1/4 of a mile away from home when "we" ended. So I ran the rest of the way. "Ha! Screw you and your BPMs Beatsmith!" I was about 8 yards from home before I realizes that Beatsmith didn't give a fat load of crap.

Day Eleven-Running in the Rain

I have become one of those crazy people who run during rain storms.
I didn't WANT to run but I knew I had to stay on schedule so I set off just after the rain had cease to come down in sheets but was still sort of sprinkling.
I don't mind getting my hair wet or my clothes but  wearing wet socks is worse than stepping bare footed into cold cat vomit and I should know, I've done both. Some times on the same day. Some times the socks are wet because I stepped in...you get the picture.

I have to say that I did enjoy being one of the first people on the trail this morning. I go to observe an abundance of natural wildlife! Robins doing a little home repair, cardinals showing of their plumage, a snail making its way across the "Great Black Tar Playground" (Rugrats reference) I also saw a bunny that was not very shy and a whole mess of goldfinches. Did you know that a group of goldfinches is called a charm?!
I also saw some worms that I stepped on 'cus I'm like that. I didn't step on ALL the worms, just the ones that were in my way. It wasn't like they didn't see me coming. hehehehe.

I have 100 days until the Tunnel to Towers Run with what seems to be little improvement. I'm not sore anymore so one could view that as an improvement but I'd really like to see myself running farther or longer SOMETHING has to be gained from this deplorable activity! I know! I know, "Slow and steady win the race!" But slow and steady is wanting me to poke my eyes out.

Day Ten-What was I thinking?

It's a 2 class day so I didn't run today but I thought to myself, "Self, you've been running almost two full weeks now and you look pretty good*. Why not get that second bathing suit you've been needing?"
So after class this morning I head over to Marshalls to try on bathing suits.

Any intelligent woman knows that the suck factor of trying on bathing suits ranks right up there with gynecological exams, gum scraping and OH YEAH running but I was determined to do it anyway.

Out of the 6 bajillion bathing suits on the crowed racks at Marhsalls I found one, ONE that suited my needs.
(I will not discuss my bathing suit needs as it will set me back in therapy about 6 years)
Anyhoo take my one bathing suit into the newly redesigned changing rooms-OH! By the way they have "cute" little hooks in the rooms with "neat" little signs above them, DEFINITELY, POSSIBLY and TOMORROW. Nowhere were the more apropos WHAT WAS I THINKING? and F*CK NO!
I try on the bathing suit and uttered the six words NO ONE should ever say while wearing a bathing suit, "What is going on back there?!"

So the suit went back on to the rack and I have resigned myself to owning one bathing suit again this summer which stinks because the one I have is made of so much fabric it takes a day to dry.










*Total lie to myself! I GAINED 2 lbs since running. Say it with me, "Just another reason this whole running thing sucks!"

Day Nine-Halter Tops & Socks

"One good thing about  running is since I'm all alone I don't have to worry about matching socks."

I missed running yesterday due to a killer headache brought on by hormone changes and a halter top. Don't ask, just nod your head in mock empathy.

Today with the vestiges of said headache still knocking around in my head I set out in mismatched socks on my route.  Feeling far less pain when I run which I suppose is a good sign and feeling NONE the day after which is a very good sign. That being sore crap is for the birds!

I am beginning to believe that I may have...too much form when I run. I'm very much conscious of my core when I run much like when I am dancing and somehow I think I may not be breathing correctly for running. I believe this because every so often I get a little lightheaded. RELAX not enough to pass out but enough to say, "Hey, was I just lightheaded?"

My favorite part about my run today, besides the part where is was over, was when I looked at my ipod and realized I was half way through! I turned toward home and ran like a stallion who had caught of whiff of his stable. Only a lot slower and on two legs. And a lot less snorting too. OK maybe there was a little snorting but NO WHINNYING!

Day Seven-Rest Day?

Yeah it's my day off from running but it's my "teach 5 classes" day.
STILL waiting for all this extra energy I'm supposed to miraculously receive from running.

On the BRIGHT side I am not sore today AT ALL! I ran yesterday and today there is no trace of after running soreness. This is good news because no activity should SUCK and be PAINFUL. That's like paying your tax bill and getting hit in the 'nads. Just Wrong.

Day Six-Discovery

Yeah so, I've discovered that in no way am I built for speed  and I am beginning to think that I am also not built for distance which leaves what? Built for scientific research? Built for industrial purposes?

Day one, week two of Podrunner Intervals and straight off the bat I could tell that the intervals are longer which on any other day would have make me happy, considering I'm not loving the intervals, but today I was totally devoid of energy. As I realized the first running interval was longer I could feel tears in the corners of my eyes & my nose beginning to run and OF COURSE I forgot to bring tissues. There was a bright spot as I had a very good looking running partner today. One who is built for speed and distance and who enjoyed taunting me by running backwards part of the way as I much preferred to watch him run away from me. *ahem*

Shins were aching a wee bit but nothing too terrible and my quads are fine however it's my ARMS that were killing me. I've long suspected that I am not holding my arms incorrectly or I am holding too much tension in them. It's not my shoulders, which would probably make sense, it's my forearms. Is that weird? Yeah, of course it's weird. Who the hell gets "runner's forearms"? Me, that's who. Makes sense seeing as how I was treated, quite extensively, for "golfer's elbow" when I've never played golf in my life. Seems I have some sort of weirdly shaped forearm elbow thing happening. Dr. said so...neenerneener.

I made it through and besides my wonderful running companion nothing about today's run impressed me or pissed me off. It was what it was.

Tomorrow will be the first Monday since beginning this running thing. Mondays are my FIVE CLASS day so we'll see what happens. I'm taking the day off from running, of course, but let's see how my quads are going to be in Ballet Class.

Day Five-I think therefore I may just run someone over

As much as I hate to say this, I will. I can totally see running becoming a great stress reliever for me. For instance,  today I wanted  very much to choke the sh*t out some )(#*$@)#(*@!#)(*@&#(& Douche Bag and I felt myself thinking (does one actually FEEL oneself thinking?) "I JUST WANNA RUN IT OUT!" Of course I may have misinterpreted my thought and might have  really been thinking "I just wanna RUN OVER THIS crapbag with my car" but both thoughts DID have the verb RUN in them! That's gotta count for something!

Body much less sore today but I gained 2 pounds so that pissed me off which actually gives me another reason to "run it out" mutha )(*&#)($* vicious circle this running thing.

Tomorrow begins week TWO.

Day Four-Broken Date

Today I was to have my first "Running Date" with a friend Jessica, from my gym, who has far more experience running than I do. Unfortunately we had to cancel our date do to unforeseen circumstances. Let me be honest here, as sad as I was not to be able to run with this sweet lady I was also a bit relieved. The last thing I want to do is hold someone back. Well, actually the last thing I want to do is fall ass over teakettle while running down hill but holding another runner back is a close second. I think next week when I have a little more experience under the sweaty belt of my dorky running shorts I can confidently go on a "Running Date"

So I set off, alone, a little later than usual for me. The sun was a little higher in the sky than what I am normally used to and the sun and I have never been on friendly terms. Heat? Humidity? Bring it on! But direct sunlight is an anathema to us fish belly white skinned freaks so right away I was not happy. Fifteen minutes in I could HEAR my skin crisping and YES I had sunscreen on. I haven't left the house without sunscreen on since sometime in the last century. The 20th.

Still doing the interval thing using Podrunners Intervals First Day to 5K and still not sure I'm liking it. YES, I know interval training is great but it just seems like as soon as I find my groove running I gotta walk again. But I did it and with a lot less pain this time! I can almost stop without whimpering though there was one time when I slowed down & there in my path was a dead mouse and I sort of did this leapy-jumpy thing that IMHO was worthy of SYTYCD...very "Sonia". I believe I heard more of a scream than a whimper and I am pretty sure the scream came from me.

Oh! I almost forgot! Due to storm damage I had to turn back halfway down my plotted path which means I had to RUN UP HILL! My first time. Following the advice of my friend Claudia I put my head down & just kept going and it wasn't too bad. Don't get me wrong it still sucked but it was not as sucky as running down that hill just minutes before when I chanted out loud, "Please don't let me fall, please don't let me fall, please don't let me fall" the entire way down it.

The one good thing that has been a result of my running this week...yeah yeah besides the sense of accomplishment*eye roll* whatever...is that the soreness I have incurred from running has completely eradicated the headaches I was getting from eliminating caffeine from my diet!

Lesson learned this week: THE very best part of running for me is when it's over and I can say,"I don't have to run any more today!"

Day Three-much needed rest day

I am SO very happy not to have to run today however I must say I am looking forward to running tomorrow.
NOT because I enjoy running but because it's challenging to me and I do enjoy a good challenge.


My legs are much less sore today than they were yesterday. Oh, don't get me wrong I'm still walking downstairs backwards but I'm not whimpering as much today. My shins are far less angry at me today which is a very good thing as we were not on speaking terms as of last night. I did teach a Zumba Fitness class last night which almost killed me but I believed helped loosen up the old bod.


WHY am I doing this to myself? Well some of my friends and members of Gold'd Gym told me they were going to do the Tunnel to Towers Run and Stephen Siller's story is one that has always touched a place in my heart so I decided to join them. (If you do not know about the Run or Stephen Siller please click on the link!) As I've stated I've never run in my life because I have always imagined it to be incredible SUCKY. I am not sure if I was happy or just vindicated to find out that was I have believed about running is true. Yes there are many people who love running. I am NOT one of them. But running I am doing because it's a challenge, because I want to be part of this wonderful and inspiring event and for a personal reason.


My grandfather was one of the engineers on the Brooklyn Battery Tunnel Project and the BBT has always held a certain allure to me. When visiting relatives in Brooklyn and riding through the tunnel my father would always say, "Your granddad worked on this tunnel!" Which always confused me as a child because when my parent's told me my grandfather was an engineer I thought he was a train engineer and I KNEW there were no trains is this particular tunnel. A BIG part of me running is being able to really be IN the tunnel, maybe touch the walls. It's a part of my family history and I think it's pretty darn cool!


Tomorrow I'll be running with a friend who has been running a little longer than I have so I'm both excited and terrified. Our Goal is 2 miles which may seem like a lot but yesterday I did my interval thingie and it was almost 2 miles. Yes I do have to teach tomorrow night then I have a charity event I have to present at so Yeah,I'll be sore but I'll push through bitching the entire time 'cus that's what I do!

Day Two-Interval Sucky

THIS is how my day started:

ME whining,"Owwie my legs hurt & I have to run today!"
Daughter, "Why do you have to run TODAY?"
Me,"Because I have to train for this race, I can't just show up expecting to be able to run 3 miles!"
Daughter,"Don't do the race."
Me, "Have to."
Daughter,"Why?"
Me, "Because I paid $50.00 to run!"
Daughter, "You PAID to run? You PAID to RUN?!"

Pretty much sums things up.

Interval Training today via Podrunner: First day to 5k.
I KNOW that interval training is a good thing but running in intervals is just alternating sucky & not so sucky.
I'd rather run my distance and hobble on home.
Also the stopping between the running & the walking SUPER PAINFUL because I am sore so that added to the suck BUT the music and my deep desire for the entire thing to be over made the 30 minutes go pretty quick.
Would have gone quicker if at the 15 minute mark I hadn't gone to adjust the volume and ASS-identally restart the podcast...I weep a little as I tried to find my place again while running.

It's hot here today so to avoid looking like a doofus I wore shorts (knee length thank you very much) which I DESPISE doing so that added a whole 'nother level of anxious ridden suck.

I did it though & was reward with 4 Weight Watchers Points which is ALMOST an entire beer.

Tomorrow is my rest from running day...wish it was my rest from all physical activity day but I don't get on of those.

Day One-Mile One

110 days until the Tunnel to Towers Run so I figure I'd better get my azz in gear.

Let me start out by saying  that in no way am I out of shape. I'm a dancer & fitness instructor, I teach 8 Zumba classes a week plus Ballet classes and choreograph any number of shows so I'm always moving. I'm in decent shape but I am NOT a runner. I never have been runner and I never will be even after the "race". I'm pretty sure after September 25th I'll never run again unless it's for a donut...or bacon...or a bacon flavored donut.

Running SUCKS. OK let me rephrase that TO ME running sucks but I have made a commitment to my friends, to the memory of those who perished on 9/11 and to myself that I'd do this run and so with this weighing heavily on my mind I tied on my brand new running shoes  and left the house at the ungodly hour of 7:00 am after my cherubs had gotten on the school bus.

I live on a Trailway so I'd mapped out my Mile (it may seem like too much for my first day but remember IMO I'm in shape!) and set out to walk the 2 blocks to the trail head. Already I'm pissed off, my underwear is slowly creeping toward my crack, my socks are bunching and the smell of fresh coffee and bacon wafting from my neighbor's windows just makes me feel that I should be home enjoying hot caffeine and pig fat.

I get to the beginning, not including in the mile, and start off at a good walking pace because I know you just don't RUN, one needs to warm up and warm up I do. Sweat rolling down my chest and glasses slipping down my nose I walk the 2 blocks to the beginning of my mile and then begin the run.

First thing that happens is a man my father's age runs by me so fast that my hair moves. If I wasn't so out of breath already I'd chase him and trip him. Not more than 200 yards in and there's a slight climb, shoulders aching from the sports bra and the small of my back has decided to stage a protest. Let me tell you something about hills; common sense tells you that running UP a hill sucks but until you've run DOWN a hill you have no idea how HORRIBLE that is. It's a constant battle to not fall on your face!

Since the trailway is popular at 7:00 am in the morning I pass many people. The RUNNERS all looked either pissed off or have this far away look on their face, it's almost like they're having an out of body experience and aren't too sure if they should be happy or angry about it. NONE of them meet my eye. I'm not sure if it's a "NY thing" a "7:00am in the morning thing" OR (as I suspect) a "This running thing sucks but we're not going to admit it to anyone thing". All the walkers I pass say "Good Morning" and seem happy. Of course they seem happy, half of them are walking with huge cups of coffee and one I saw had a roll and butter. I really wanted to trip her too.

I can barely breath which I blame on my shallow "dancer's breathing" my nose is running and the sound of my feet on the trail have taken on a rhythm that sounds suspiciously like "Running Sucks, Running Sucks, Running Sucks" I can SEE my mile marker up ahead. I silently pray to every deity I know and ask PLEASE don't let me throw up. And then, after what seems like hours I make it! I round the corner and begin a fast walk toward home.

13 minutes. I don't know if that's good or bad. All I know is that it took me three times that to walk home and every last piece of strength I had not to call someone to pick me up.

My reward for running my first ever mile? I got to go teach a Zumba class. OH! And when I went on to Weight Watchers to figure out how many Activity Points I'd get for running a mile in 13 minutes I found out that for me it's 3. 3. That's not even a beer.

Running Sucks.